Cayce Pollard Units

I think there’s a little Walter Mitty in me. Maybe there is in everyone. I don’t know. Your results may vary. But I do sometimes find myself daydreaming or wishing that somehow my life were a little larger than it is. Not necessarily a lot larger, mind you. I don’t know that I’d want to be The Person on whom the fate of the Free World hinges or anything like that. Just perhaps that my life were a bit more cool. Where is my Hubertus Bigend to tempt me with the money to pursue my goals so long as I share the results with him?

It’s great for a novel, but that sort of thing just doesn’t happen. And I can’t convince myself to borrow coolness by imitating a novel, either. Yeah, it would be fun to spend a little money and create my own male versions of Cayce Pollard Units to wear. Others have, it seems. It even appears that someone has created a line of clothing inspired by William Gibson novels. But I don’t get into that, as much as it may tempt me. Is it simply because I can’t justify spending the money? Is it a desire to keep my geekiness in the closet, figuratively rather than literally? Or is there some subconscious independent streak that refuses to let me get that deeply into someone else’s world, or believes that the life of the mind should stay there? I don’t even get into Star Wars or Star Trek cosplay. Do I feel a need to enjoy things but keep some distance?

I have no answers for that. I do have a long cape. But capes are generic. I wore one for a role in “Mystery of Edwin Drood” in college and really liked it. I also liked the cassock they dressed me in, too, but I never got one for myself. My mom made the cape for me. Perhaps I should have asked for the cassock. It’d be all the rage now, with that Severus Snape verve.

I keep telling myself that if I ever become a successful author I’m going to commission some custom clothing to wear to signings and conferences or conventions. But will I really? I suppose I might if it’s not too obvious. Perhaps a Prada Steampunk knockoff, if I can find a talented-enough tailor. More likely I won’t. I’ll probably opt for just looking like me.

I imagine it’d be more important how I behave than how I look. I want to be one of those cool authors who makes you feel better about yourself for having spoken with them. I’m not that person now, so I guess I’d better get to work on that and worry less about what I would like to wear should my life ever become larger than it is.