Who do I appear to be?

You’re probably already getting tired of me talking about “Pattern Recognition”, but bear with me. Like most books we read multiple times, we pick out different things at different times–a reflection on who we are and what’s on our minds at the time we are reading as much as saying anything about the book itself. The book hasn’t changed, but we, as the reader, have.

For example, I’ve noticed for the first time that the novel is written in the present tense. It’s also occurred to me that Gibson’s characterizations are subtle, yet solid. It’s dawned on me that the reason why I like “Pattern Recognition” better than “Spook Country” or “Zero History” could very well be because of the main characters. Cayce Pollard is a different person than Hollis Henry or Milgrim, and while they’re not unlikable characters, they’re not Cayce. I really like Cayce, and I prefer her perspective to that of the other two. Gibson is able to make them distinct characters, not simply a projection of himself.

But what I’d really like to talk about today is another aspect that stuck out: Googling people. Or perhaps more accurately, our online personae. Several times the book includes someone researching someone else or their work. At one point researchers are sent combing through a discussion forum to identify key players, and they are able to determine that one of the most helpful of them is our protagonist.

I can’t help but wonder what people would see if they researched my online personae. Would they be able to read my blog posts, for example, and then determine that my Facebook posts are written by the same person? I suspect so. I don’t think I’m inconsistent in how I portray myself from platform to platform.

But if we were to go deeper, try and piece together a composite of who I am, based on my content online, what would someone come up with? While I’m not not myself online, there are aspects of myself that I allow to come out more than others, while others still never see the light of pixel. How would people see me based on what I allow to show?

It’s tempting to engage in an archeology project and research myself, except it would be impossible to approach it at all objectively. There may be posts sufficiently old that I won’t remember writing them, or recall the context. Those could prove interesting. But they could also prove inaccurate. I’ve changed. There’s no denying that fact that I’ve probably changed more in the last five years than in any other portion of my life–perhaps even in the last two years. Most change is a slow process, almost imperceptible to the constant observer. I’m not sure I could put my finger on what has changed, but I know I have.

I’ve likely said before that it’s one of the biggest blessings and curses that we can never see ourselves the way others do. But I can’t help but wonder sometimes just what I look like.