Arranged marriages

I recently learned of a new reality series coming out soon, entitled “Marriage At First Sight.” The concept is just that: three couples get married having never met or known anything about each other previously. Their first view of one another is at the altar. After my initial reaction of, “well, who in their right minds would let a reality TV producer choose their mate?!”, I decided I’m at least mildly interested in seeing how this one turns out.

My exposure to the show is from an interview a news program did with one of the couples involved, along with a few of the panel of marriage experts who did the picking. I’m not sure why they picked this couple; were they the most dramatic of the pairings or the least? They certainly set the stage for there being lots of conflict. The woman is not pleased by her husband’s appearance, and sorta freaks out and refuses to let him touch her. She finds out he’s still living with his parents. His employment (I forget what it is) doesn’t excite her. He seems like a pretty patient fellow who understands she’s going to freak out at first, but it does seem like he’s trying to move things along faster than she is comfortable with.

We learn nothing else of the two other couples, although they do seem from the clips to be happier about things.

I’m curious as to how everything goes. The main couple do at least seem willing to try and build a relationship from ground zero, to give this marriage a try. I’ve long felt that arranged marriages can work, so long as the two people involved are mature, willing to be open-minded, can communicate, and are willing to give as well as take. It maybe a coincidence, but my brother is starring in a community theater production of “Fiddler on the Roof” right now, playing a man in an arranged marriage that’s endured for over twenty years. During that time they never really stopped to wonder if they actually love each other. When they do think about it they realize that they do, and much of that comes from the things they’ve weathered together.

In some ways my own marriage could be considered a border-line arranged marriage. True, we did arrange it ourselves, but other than a lot of email, online chats, and a few weeks of actual contact, though hardly in normal situations, we hadn’t interacted in person. But in some ways I’m not sure it mattered. We’re both so different from who we were back then. Life has taken us in very different directions than what we would have guessed. Like Tevye and Golde, it’s what we’ve been through together that binds us together as much as whatever love and attraction we may have begun with. It was that common core of values that drew us together, and the success of applying those values to everything we’ve been through since that holds us together.

I’m sure we all have known marriages that leave us scratching our heads as to what could have possessed the couple to get married in the first place, let alone what keeps them together. Everyone is different. Every marriage is different. What works for them….well, works for them. They probably can look at us and wonder how we manage to hold it together, too.

I’d like to hope the end result of “Marriage At First Sight” is an acknowledgement that pretty much any couple can make it work if they’re willing to work at it. The question is whether or not, in this age of “soul mates” and “me first”, people really have what it takes. Far too many couples seem to tie the knot ignorant that the norm in life is for knots to work themselves undone if not continually tightened. Marriage takes work and requires ongoing investment.

This reality series has the opportunity to make some important statements about relationships. Or it can go for the easy drama and sensationalism and miss a terrific chance to make a difference.