Blame society

A Facebook friend of mine regularly laments how society is continually critical of women who don’t fit the ideals of appearance, weight, fashion, etc. At the same time, this same friend’s posts of late have increasingly employed profanity and vulgarity, and have glorified sex.

Now, I admit that I’m one of those “prudes” whose outdated sense of morality still leads me to believe that sex should be private and respectful, and that there is never a need for profanity. And yes, I do think less of those who disagree, because both demonstrate a lack of self control, no consideration for others, and a slide toward the animal rather than elevation of the species. I think we can and should be more than animals.

But that’s beside the point. As a society we can’t seem to make up our mind about society. Is society good or bad? Does it bestow moral authority, or undermine it? Does it define standards of acceptability or is it impossible to satisfy?

We can’t have it both ways. The “wisdom of crowds” must be valid or not valid, we can’t pick and choose when to place our faith in society. After all, the same society that tells us it’s okay–no, expected–to have sex as often as possible with as many people as possible with no thought for consequences (unless we actually do experience some, at which point we will bend heaven and earth and the Federal Government to eliminate those consequences as much as is possible (unless you’re a straight male, then you’re on your own)), also tells us that women have to be skinny, blond, and dress in designer clothing that shows as much skin as possible, and must be mocked if they don’t measure up. It’s also the same society that tells us a woman who terminates her pregnancy is to be applauded, but a woman who chooses to have a baby and stay home to raise it is a horrible disappointment and a traitor to her gender.

We’re expected to believe that the same society that gets it so wrong when it comes to women’s body image is right beyond question when it comes to sexuality?

Excuse me, but I have a hard time accepting that. Society tells us that sex is a biological need right up there with–if not exceeding–food. If you’re not having sex every night there is something wrong with you, and it’s okay to ignore all other aspects of your life in the pursuit of meeting that need. Granted, in marketing at least, they’re also telling us the same thing about food. The difference is that society believes it is acceptable to ban or limit the amount of unhealthy food you may consume–to make your dietary choices for you–while even suggesting that we should limit or be responsible in our sexual choices is heresy. Expecting the public to pay for diet programs and all the medical expenses resulting from unhealthy eating is going too far, but making everyone pay for others’ birth control and abortions is “the right thing to do.”

Here’s a news flash: Sex is not mandatory. It is not essential for life. It can actually be detrimental to your health. It is designed for, and therefore leads to, achieving pregnancy. Society is not only wrong about sex, they’re irresponsible.

I can only imagine what we would be seeing out there if Russian Roulette was considered pleasurable.

Even I, prude that I am, accept that society is not about to change its views on sex. If the AIDS scare didn’t do that, nothing will. But is it too much to ask that if we must worship sex, that we do so respectfully? It’s as if, having thrown the government out of our bedrooms, we moved the party to the front yard. I cringe to see my aforementioned friend posting about sex–not just because it’s about sex, but because it is describing it in horridly vulgar terms. This same person who wants women to be respected and not judged, turns around and uses language that sends the message that, when it comes to sex, it’s okay to treat her like a piece of meat and describe the experience in vulgar, disrespectful language for everyone to see.

I could never describe intimacy with someone I care about in such a way. In fact, I don’t believe in discussing it with anyone else, period. Yes, I know, I’m a prude. But I’m a respectful prude, and I try to be unselfish. When I encounter euphemisms for semi-violent, lustful sex I can’t help but wonder if there’s even another person involved. No matter what the original intention of the post might have been–in one recent case it was to insinuate that quiet, tender affection is a good thing–it quickly becomes all about Me Me Me when the euphemisms and vulgarity fly. The supposedly loved and respected partner disappears or becomes no more than an object, and sex becomes a sport for self-gratification, with the other person merely equipment.

For all of society’s new-found openness about sex, all they really seem to have accomplished is to establish the baseline at the junior high school locker room. Losing our inhibitions over sex has not elevated mankind, it’s stuck us permanently in the “nudge-nudge-snicker-hey-look-at-this!” of adolescence. It’s not really progressed us very far in the direction of more frank, open discussions about sexuality, gender roles, and societal expectation, but it’s certainly broadened our vocabulary of crass, profane, and vulgar descriptions of what is supposed to be the pinnacle of human experience. In what world does this make sense? We don’t accelerate our progress toward the next plateau of human development by racing one another deeper into the gutter.

But while society may be wrong, it’s also clear that society just doesn’t care. Yet we continue onward, day by day, acting as if society is the highest authority on all human behavior when in reality everything society wants should be immediately suspect. Society wants us all to be more tolerant and loving, and yet society is neither. Society wants us to eliminate hate, but absolutely hates anyone it sees as hateful or aberrant. Society thinks we should take better care of the planet, but society is also harrassing my children because they don’t have the latest, greatest smartphones, iPads, and laptops (sending last month’s models to the landfill). Society wants my children to be highly educated, motivated, and socially conscious, and yet they’re picked on because they aren’t wasting hours a day on the latest fad game.

In short, I don’t trust society to be right about…well, pretty much anything. Even when society, broken-clock-like, gets it right about what the goal is, they often fail so miserably in devising the means to that end that it would have been better had they not tried in the first place.

So to my friend I would say this: You’ve already picked up on the idea that society is terribly wrong about some things. Take a more careful look at everything else society is telling you. Chances are it’s wrong about many other things, as well. You are right to suspect that society is not your friend. Question. Compare. Question some more. Chances are, when someone is telling you to trust society, they’re trying to sell you something. And chances are you shouldn’t be buying.