Shake it off

Taylor Swift doesn’t exactly need me to send more views her way, but I’m going to anyway. I know we shouldn’t feel sorry for celebrities and all, but it’s got to be harder than it looks. You have people masterminding months-long cybercrimes just to get a peek at your online photo collection, for one. And as Swift herself related in a recent interview, it has to be weird to be driving somewhere with your latest boyfriend and hear people on the radio reporting rumors that the guy sitting beside you in the car has bought a ring and is getting ready to propose to you. Under such circumstances you either develop coping strategies or you crack. And that’s if you’re already well-grounded. It’s no wonder that so many other celebrities just don’t know how to handle it.

But then it’s not just celebrities these days. With the advent of social media it’s become easy–no, expected–for everyone to be up in everyone else’s business. Everyone’s got to have an opinion about everything. Facebook doesn’t need a “dislike” button–everyone’s perfectly capable of using all the buttons on their keyboards to express their dislike of anything that varies one micron from their own ideas of acceptability, and far too many do so, and with relish (and mustard, ketchup, and the occasional sauerkraut (This post comes pre-snarked for your convenience. You’re welcome, Bill!)).

I’ve noticed, too, that it’s not just people telling everyone what they think, either. Far too often I see posts telling you what you think, too. The False Dichotomy shows up on my feed with surprising regularity and with even more surprising deviousness. Just the other day I was presented with a meme pic showing the pictures of two women, one nearly grotesque with a garishly fake tan, over-botoxed or lifted face, obvious lip-enhancement and heavy makeup, and the other with a naturally pretty, pixie face, but with her torso covered in so many tattoos I at first thought they were a t-shirt. The text of the picture essentially condemned society for thinking the former was beautiful and the latter ugly.

I won’t take a position for or against tattoos here, but I’m willing to bet that meme picture was created by someone with tattoos, probably a lot of them, and who has–justifiably or not–become defensive over it. And so they created a propaganda meme pic that essentially tries to shame people into accepting them. The logic of this false dichotomy is three-fold: 1) you think the ugly-fake person is beautiful, and 2) you think the tattooed person is ugly because of her tattoos, and 3) this needs to change.

The last point would certainly be true if the first two were also true. But this is the insidiousness of such an approach. It doesn’t leave any room for people to have any other opinions. I suspect a large number of people would find the first picture repellant. I suspect a similarly large number of people reacted to the second picture the same way I did. I thought the woman shown had a very cute face; fresh and natural-looking–the very antithesis of the previous one. But since it made no sense for the meme pic to claim I thought the second was ugly, I looked deeper to see if I could determine why I should think the second woman unattractive. Only then did I notice the tattoos. Not just one or two, but essentially covered in them–though notably not on her face. And I still found her more attractive by far than the first woman. But the meme pic was accusing me of thinking just the opposite, and totally ignoring the fact that there are far, far many more ways to react to those pictures than the false dichotomy presented.

It was rather ironic. Here was a meme pic pre-judging me to try and convince me not to pre-judge its creator. Physician, heal thyself. Go ahead and tell me what you think. I don’t mind that. But don’t try and tell me how I think in an effort to try to get me to think like you.

That’s just one example of how we’re under constant pressure to be hard on one another these days. Other than the advice offered by Dieter F. Uchtdorf (“Stop it.”), I don’t know how to combat that sort of thing. “Haters gonna hate” and all that. But that doesn’t mean that we, as targets, have to take them at all seriously. As hard as it may be, the best revenge is to shake it off and be happy anyway. Hence the Taylor Swift video below.

On first glance it seems ironic–Taylor Swift telling us to just ignore the haters and downers out there and just have fun. What does she have to be sad about? But I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that becoming an A-list celebrity, a household name, and the continual focus of celeb-watchers and gossip-mongers doesn’t suddenly make you immune to negativity and snark. Those with any brains know that fame is fleeting, and as often as not what got you where you are over someone you may feel is more talented, more beautiful, or more deserving is just plain luck.

Taylor Swift strikes me as one who’s got her head screwed on straighter than most. She seems to get that this is all fleeting, and while she works hard for it, someday hard work may not be enough. But listening to the critics is only going to accelerate that, not keep it at bay. So I suspect, however catchy and trite the song may be, there’s truth there. Be you, and be happy. It’s not something I’ve been able to perfect by any means, but looking back over my life, the times I was happiest was when I felt comfortable and confident enough with where I was and what I was doing that didn’t feel a need to take ownership of any negativity thrown at me. So I believe Taylor has it right, here.

And it’s a dang catchy song, to boot.

For what it’s worth, while she’s an attractive young lady in general, I think the blond semi-bob, black outfit beatnik/jazz look really works.

Not that I should have an opinion, but at least it’s a positive one.