Being a little more kind

I recently read “Yes, Please!” by Amy Poehler. Mostly she just convinced me that I really am weird. Granted, she is a comedian, and comedians can’t seem to resist being “edgy and original” by always swearing and talking about sex–just like every other comedian. But seriously, are real people so obsessed with sex and their naughty bits? Does everyone else enjoy admitting to having been high during many of the important events in their life, even while admitting they never want their kids to do drugs? Does anyone else find this sort of thing uncomfortable to read? No? Just me? Okay, that’s kinda what I expected. I am weird.

But I may have something of an ally in Poehler when it comes to pushing back and against the continued depersonalizing of culture by technology. Her final chapter, entitled “The Robots Will Kill Us All” seems to be saying that we are becoming far too dependent on our devices, which do not really care that much about us. She also provides a number of ideas on how to stave off our eventual elimination at the hands of robots, but the culminating idea is “Be more kind.”

Now I will hand it to Poehler. In spite of all her raunchiness and need to talk about her body, she does seem like a kind person. She speaks unkindly of very few people in her book. Much of it is spent praising many of the people who helped her get where she is. Some of it is telling on herself for times when she was not very kind. So I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately far too many people I hear advocating “be more kind” as the cure to society’s ills seem to totally miss the point of that advice. They only want to be more kind to those they feel deserve it. As some book I’ve read put it, if you only love those who love you, what do you really gain? The real test of love and kindness is to be kind and generous to those who are not deserving.

Instead, far too often, what we get is people beating their favorite target groups with a bat, screaming, “Be more kind, you *#%$*@!!!” And believe me, I can relate. I’m far, far better at figuring out what other people are doing wrong than I am at getting myself to do what’s right.

But if we really, really want to be revolutionary we need to learn to be kind to everyone, even the ones who don’t deserve it or appreciate it. Especially to those who don’t deserve it or appreciate it. It’s not easy, but I believe it’s essential. If we only spend our time “high-fiving” our own team we only serve to widen the already too-wide rifts between people. Bridges are built through being kind to the people who are unworthy of our kindness, to the people who have no reason to expect any kindness from you.

Unexpected kindness is what will save us.