The Wages of faith

Trigger warning: Religious discussion. For those who dislike such things, it’s best to move along.

As part of the soundtrack for the animated movie “Big Hero 6” there’s a song by the group Fallout Boy, titled “Immortal.” My kids loved the song after watching the movie (fun movie, incidentally) and downloaded a copy. I’ve heard the song a lot since then.

There’s one line, however, that immediately caught my attention:

Sometimes the only payoff
for having any faith
is when it’s tested again and again
every day

As a person of faith I’ve contemplated this line and concluded there are at least two separate interpretations. The first is pessimistic: The only thing that comes from faith is having it tested forever. Count on it. You may be better off without faith in the first place.

The other interpretation is more hopeful: There is a payoff for having faith, but it usually comes after it’s been tested, sometimes to the extreme. It’s good to have faith, but it’s going to take work.

I tend to hold with the latter interpretation, though sometimes it can sure seem like the former is correct. There have been several times in my life, mostly when I was younger, when I’ve cried out in frustration, “What good has being good done me?!” I’m not particularly proud of my narrow vision at those times. Somehow I got the idea that I should get to pick and choose which blessings I get and when. Time and a broader perspective has taught me the folly of such thinking. Had I had my way at those times I would have missed out on some pretty big “payoffs”.

It’s not like every reward I’ve received for faith only ever came after intense struggle or trial. But we are promised in scripture that faith must be tried before it can grow, which usually implies some sort of evidence that your faith was not misplaced. “…wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith. (Ether 12:6)” If you would have the benefits of faith, you’re going to have to be tested first. That’s just how it works.

To those without faith this may sound daunting, even unfair. Even for those with faith it can be intimidating. Not all tests will push you to the very edge of your endurance. But some will. Going without work for two years while trying to support a family was perhaps the hardest test I’ve had to endure. My faith was literally tested again and again, every day. But yes, there was also the payoff, which at least part of involved taking an even bigger leap of faith. Looking at it all in the rear view mirror the blessings are easy to see. Looking at it from the other side, it got pretty discouraging at times.

What was less obvious at the time was that even in the middle of that arduous test of faith we were receiving the payoff from a previous test of faith–one that involved much less of a struggle. The leaders of our church, who we hold to be prophets, have been telling us for years to avoid unnecessary debt, build up a reserve of food, and save money as much as possible. Even though we were just starting a family and money was often tight, we saved money. We worked hard to live within our means so that every time I got a raise we could save even more money instead of just increasing our lifestyle. It required faith to do that at times. There were many nice things we could have had, but passed over in favor of building savings. There was some reward in watching our money grow, certainly.

But it was especially nice to have that to fall back on in hard times. The payoff for our earlier faith was much more obvious–so obvious I nearly didn’t see it for what it was.

I suppose another less obvious payoff for having faith is that it’s much easier for me to believe that there is any payoff at all. Someone with little to no experience with faith might tend to adopt the former interpretation of those lyrics; that there’s no point in having faith because you’ll just keep running into wall after wall until you can’t take the bloody noses anymore.

But even for those of us who have faith and have seen it validated, it’s still a safe bet that our faith will continue to be tested, again and again, every day, and probably for the rest of our lives. We can either get tired and give up, or lean into the wind and keep walking. Those various trials likely won’t look just like ones we’ve tackled previously, either. They’ll probably come in new forms we’ve never experienced before, requiring us to grow in some way in order to overcome them. That growth itself may be the payoff. There may be other payoffs as well. But we mustn’t forget that there will be some reward at some point, and we need to keep pushing forward.

Sometimes the reward of faith is developing faith in faith.